Sunday, 19 December 2010

the transsexual agenda

Normally I admire the Christian Institute (one bloke and his cat, in Brentwood) for their commitment to spreading the message of truth, sweetness and reason. But I feel a bit left out after reading one of their recent posts about LGBT liaison officers in the Gwent police force, who are (says our correspondent (or maybe the cat)) tasked with "promoting the homosexual agenda to other officers".

I am disappointed that they are not promoting the transsexual agenda too, I must say. Still, I'm working on it. Well, it is an agenda, after all. My cunning plan is to turn everyone transsexual, by putting stuff in the water supply. But it's a bit of a secret, so don't tell, will you?

Another cunning plan I've been trying out, inspired by James Russell, author of a very good book on all things cider-related, is mulled cider. As you see from the picture above, I'm not the only one; this was in the Cotham Porter Stores on a cold and frosty evening a few days ago.

At home, I have been heating up cider with brown sugar, rum, cinnamon and ginger, nutmeg and cloves (a musical combination, there ). Very warming, on these cold winter nights, let me tell you. But be careful, it might turn you transsexual. Or something.


  1. So lot me get this right. Cider's got something in it to turn people transsexual? I bet Wikileaks haven't got that one, but the CI will report on it soon. After all, it's all part of promoting their agenda

  2. Yup, that's about right. Or maybe it's the subtle blend of herbs and spices. I think I might have to do some more research, very soon.

  3. So that's where I went wrong, if only I'd turned my attention to cultivating hops and barley all those years ago instead of apples I'd be all bloke!

    I'll add "Presence of a Vigo catalogue" to my list of t-dar cues then.

  4. Something in the water? Maybe that's why I've been feeling a bit funny recently. And I just thought it was the flu! Praps it was maaan flu! LOL!

  5. I'm afraid I cannot accept the "Transexual agenda", at least not until we've agreed the minutes of the last meeting of the Transgender executive committee.

  6. So I blame my father for leaving gallon flagons of cider in the kitchen pantry when we were kids. How could we resist something so refreshing and appley? Who would have thought it would have had such an effect? You should see how girlie it has made my sisters, it does only work in one direction right?

    Caroline xxx

  7. do you have the secret to youth too?lol...i won't tell..........

  8. I suspect that if you want to make someone go all FTM on you, you need to add slugs and snails and suchlike stuff. Which would probably go down well in Cornwall, where there is a tradition of adding hanks of mutton to the cider, and indeed installing a resident toad in the barrel. (unless the locals were pulling Derek Robinson's leg,a not entirely implausible notion...)

    I think we might have to decide upon what constitutes a quorum, too, Claire. Or is it a queerum?

    I'm still working on that recipe, IWBY. Mybe I'll publish it for the New Year!

  9. Cider geek overload for a minute, there's a scientific basis to the side of meat etc. stories.

    Apples from poorly fertilised orchards don't hsve enough nutrients for the yeast to complete the fermentation, so either you get poor cider or cider that smells of bad eggs as the yeast scavenges nutrients from apple cell constituents. Been there, had to throw some away.

    Hence in ye Olden Dayes they allegedly put bits of meat, dead rats etc. into the fermentation to provide extra nutrients. Nowadays we cheat and use yeast nutrient crystals, very naughty and obviously not for Real Men.

  10. I was given cider to drink when I was small. So you never know.

    In Britanny they all grow up on it, could explain this: