Friday, 20 June 2008

ups and Downs


Low profile time again at Schloss Marland. I finally finished the cover picture for the Downs Wildlife book, and got a scan of it back yesterday, so I could see what it looks like when it's scaled down. And now you can too. Crikey, it seemed to take for ever, this picture.

I went out cycling with Annie yesterday; she's trying out my old bicycle, to see how well they get on together. We rode around the Downs and ended up in Clifton village, by which time it seemed like a good idea to have a drink. So we did.

We were intently talking about Stuff (you know, as you do) when out of the blue a bloke plonks his drink on our table and inserts himself into the conversation. Which is not so much of a conversation as him telling Annie (or, more particularly, Annie's cleavage) that she had lovely eyes. And so on. And on. Talking about her in the third person, as she subsequently noted.

I hadn't picked up on that, and I'm trying to deconstruct the personal narrative that he was living in during this exchange. Like, does he look at himself in the third person too? This is of particular interest as there's a rather heated discussion about autogynophilia going on, on a forum I use. It's a cruddy theory, but some TS women seem to self-identify with it. My take on it is that we all have a version of ourselves in our heads which acts out our imagined life on our behalf; personally, I experience this world of the imagination through my own eyes, but AG theory seems to argue that those to whom the condition applies see themselves from outside themselves. Living in the third person, as it were. As, it seems, this bloke was.

Must do some more thinking about this. And preferably not when hung over.

Anyway, back to the pub. Annie is polite to him (he has by now focused on her and has his back to me, and is no doubt wishing I'd go away) but firmly suggests that we would like to return to our conversation. So he finally goes away.

O well, another first. I missed out on all this sort of stuff pre-transition, as I didn't 'hit on' women, and obviously wasn't 'hit on' by men. Well, apart from a couple of times when a gay man tried it on... but this was like a shark attack, out of the blue and taking me by surprise. Slightly shocked, in fact. Even if the shark was toothless.