Monday, 27 July 2015

Kultur wars on the canal



When I was a lad, I’m sorry to say, 
My chance to join the Navy sadly slipped away
I worked instead selling clapped out motors,
Safe and sound a long way from such dang’rous waters
(safe and sound a long way from such dang’rous waters)
Safe and sound, I say, till, upon a whim
I bought a boat cos I’m a fan of Rosie’n Jim
(He bought a boat cos he’s a fan of Rosie’n Jim)

A marina berth I swiftly found,
And my gangplank very soon was rooted to the ground
I polished the brass and I drank my tea,
And I took to wearing captain’s hats and neckerchees
(he took to wearing captain’s hats and neckerchees)
A red neckerchee which you’ll find, I’m sure 
’s been traditional since roughly 1994
(It’s been traditional since roughly 1994)

One day in my telescope I chanced to spy
A tatty boat with bikes on as it chugged on by
Though it chugged on by, I’m pretty sure
It was only going to find a place nearby to moor
(it was only going to find a place nearby to moor)
And on mooring up, just you mark my words
They’ll be clogging up the waterway with piss and turds
(they’ll be clogging up the waterways with piss and turds)

An article I swiftly penned, 
For that bloke in Narrowmind World who is my best friend
In green Biro and with lots of caps
It was strong on righteous outrage though quite short on facts
(it was strong on righteous outrage but quite short on facts)
For facts and figures are your enemy
If you would sway the actions of the CRT
(if you would sway the actions of the CRT)

Inspired by a recent Narrowboat World piece that claimed that 'continuous moorers', as the writer humorously described them, were clogging up the western end of the Kennet and Avon canal. He made further, evidence-free claims that they were emptying effluent into the canal, because, well, look at them.... (edit) the claim that the K&A is clogged by 'continuous moorers' was debunked by the CRT themselves in this response to a request made by Rick Hemmings for the relevant stats, seen here:



...and now Tillergraph, a towpath freebie, echoes these sentiments with similar claims in its 'letter of the month',  further complaining that live aboard boaters are making the place look unsightly, and affecting the whole 'culture and ethos' of the canal. Hey ho. If in doubt, respond with persiflage and a touch of contumely. Thhhrrrrp.